Recently I was sitting at a beach doing some writing, and while enjoying the perfect setting for creating, I watched some parents and their kids play. Well, mostly play. The kids were, and yes, some parents were, too. But there were some parents who seemed to worry far too much about what their kids were doing, and not letting them play as much as the kids wanted.
One mother chased their little boy to apply more sunscreen, and had a smile on her face the entire time. I think she was enjoying the chase more than her son. They were both playing.
Another mother kept grabbing her daughter and pulling her away from the small waves rolling in. I get it, there are times when a parent must do things to keep their children safe, but this was not one of them. The waves would not have pulled a piece of Styrofoam into the ocean, and the depth was no higher than a toddler’s shins. No, this seemed to be more about what the mother thought was right and wrong, with her daughter’s feet getting wet being wrong.
Over the next couple of hours, I would look up from my writing every now and then to simply observe kids playing, and how some adults reacted to it.
Of course, this led to me to thinking about driving (because that’s what I do, no matter when and where I am).
Little kids don’t judge themselves… until we judge them. And gradually (and sometimes not so gradually) the kids begin to change how they think, and they begin to seriously judge themselves. Sure, this occurs with some more than others, but it seems that our society has built a culture around judging oneself.
So, how does this relate to driving?
It’s okay to be aware of how you’re driving, and even review and analyze how you’re driving, but that’s different from judging it.
It’s okay to notice that you’re braking too early for a corner, for example. But you don’t need to tell yourself that “I always brake early. I suck. I’m not good on the brakes.” The former is being aware, and the latter is judging. Which one would a little kid do?
Little kids learn so quickly because their egos don’t get in the way. They just do, without worrying about what others think or say about them. They don’t judge themselves, or worry about others judging them. They just do.
In Sir Ken Robinson’s very funny and insightful TED Talk, he relates a story of a young girl in a classroom drawing a picture, and the teacher coming up and asking what she was drawing. “I’m drawing a picture of God,” she replies, to which the teacher says, “But nobody knows what God looks like.” “They will in a minute,” is the brilliant, and non-judgmental response from the young girl.
I strongly recommend you watch Robinson’s TED Talk here: Do Schools Kill Creativity?. (Please, please, please watch this video! Over 75 million people have, for good reason.)
We’re all susceptible to judging ourselves. Well, I think we all are… because I know I am!
I’ve driven races where I was concerned about being judged by others, because if I made a mistake, how good a coach could I be? How would my reputation as a coach and driver be affected by my screwing up in this race? And if others might be judging me, I better judge myself, right?! Well, that was my thinking at the time.
But when I stopped worrying about being judged, and when I stopped judging myself, I performed better. I drove better. I’m not sure I always got fully back to the “driving like a little kid” mode, but the less I worried about what others might think – or how I might judge myself – the better I drove.
One of my favorite things that Robinson says in his TED Talk video is when he’s talking about children: “They’re not afraid to be wrong.”
As a driver, are you afraid to be wrong?
Have you ever found yourself being more judgmental than simply being aware of what you’re doing? Have you ever found yourself telling yourself that you’re not good at something (being judgmental), when all you should have done is just understood what you could do better (being aware), without putting some kind of label on yourself?
If so, then you’re human, and one that has been influenced by the way our society stresses not making mistakes, and to “grow up.”
The next time you go to the track, I challenge you to not judge yourself, but simply to be more aware of what you’re doing without giving yourself any kind of label. Drive with a child’s mindset of just doing, and in the process, learn more in less time.
And, if you get a chance, take some time to just watch kids play. They can teach us all a good lesson or two.
Hi Ross and everyone, could not agree more, Sir Robinson's TED talk is awesome, I've watched it many times. I really like your distinction here between being "aware" and being "judgemental", or worry about being wrong. Here's to being aware, curious, and playful!
Loved the story about the girl drawing a picture of God!! Love her attitude!!
Kinda like dancing like nobody is watching. As an instructor, I recently realized I might be telling my students how to drive too much, thereby interrupting their thought process to make their own decisions, so I am adjusting my technique. Instructing technique is certainly a moving target, as is continuing to improve our own driving! Thanks!